


The King of Heroes Plays a Game

by gamesetmatch



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/Zero, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, Gen, Gil is obviously going to be very OP, Humor, M/M, MMORPGs, Virtual Reality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-23 11:31:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12506392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gamesetmatch/pseuds/gamesetmatch
Summary: Gilgamesh discovers VR MMOs. He drags Kirei along too. They have fun, mostly.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be super chill and mostly plotless, Gil and Kirei doing typical MMO stuff in a game where the system has not been well thought out at all.
> 
> Also note that there will be some suspension of belief wrt the timeline (as this happens sometime in the gap between 4th and 5th wars) so that I can incorporate characters from both F/Z and F/SN without them being too old, or too young, or dead.

“Kotomine!” 

Gilgamesh’s arrogant and demanding voice resounded through the church. 

_“Kotomine!”_

With a sigh, the person named Kotomine Kirei who was the other resident of the church clapped his tome shut.

It was not a moment later that his door swung open, and a distinctly eye-catching man with golden hair, silk pajamas, and fuzzy slippers barged into his room like he owned the place.

Kirei by now was used to such actions. It was a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things, to be able to cohabitate with the greatest, original hero—the King of Heroes, Gilgamesh. A small price indeed, to offer his room, his church, his soul, and all of the patience in the world. 

“What is it, Gilgamesh?” he asked, and tried not to fear the answer.

To deal with Gilgamesh, perhaps even three times all of the patience in the world would not be enough.

“Kotomine, I have decided that you will play this _netoge_ with me!”


	2. Chapter 2

Fate/Slay Online was the hit game these days. A VR MMO of sprawling valleys, grand cities, and generic fantasy elements like medieval style clothing, it blended aspects of other generic fantasy MMOs into a creation that surpassed everything. No one really knew why it was popular, but no one could deny that it was. In Japan, in Korea, in China, and quickly moving to the rest of the world—this was the game that stole everyone’s youth.

Servers in different locations each connected thousands of players at a time. Books and videos as guides to the game sold millions. Enormous PVP tournaments were held and broadcasted in a variety of ways, supporting a wide community of professional gamers who played nothing but Fate/Slay Online day and night. For the casual players, watching those amazing players who were always atop the leaderboards in a flashy battle royale seemingly right before their eyes was like seeing gods in action.

It was only a matter of time before Gilgamesh noticed this particular gaming craze.

It took him a bit more time to do research, which was to terrify a VR hardware store employee and then taking Kirei’s credit card to go buy prepaid game cards that could be redeemed for an active subscription. 

They were already receiving Internet at the church, but the game required a helmet like device that sat on the head and had a visor that would be pulled down to cover the eyes. So he picked up two such machines, and once again tapped the credit card. He was slowly getting used to the inane concept of paying for items with money, even if technically they all already belonged to him. The trouble that would follow him taking his rightful possessions was annoying to deal with.

He eventually let Kirei convince him to use the credit card—it was just a tap, and he could not see the money transfer and be indignant about it.

Arriving back at the church, he was actually quite excited with his purchases in tow this time. He quickly made his way to the room where the corrupt priest must be sitting under his pretense of studying the bible, shouting his name all the while because it was sure to be great fun when Gilgamesh finally got to see his reaction.

Now, Gilgamesh lounges over the spot on the couch he took over while Kirei is on his knees reaching for the power outlet in the middle of setting up the system.

“I will set it up, but I am not playing,” is what Kirei tried to tell him.

“You are going to play,” is Gilgamesh’s final verdict on that matter.

An hour later, they were both on the bed with the helmets on, staring at the screens on their visors. It looked as if they were asleep, but to them they had been transported to a brightly lit room where they could move their limbs to their will.

“Welcome to Fate/Slay Online. Please create your character in this interface and then enter through the door when you’re satisfied with your appearance and starting class.”

Gilgamesh was standing in front of a full length mirror that reflected his body in its original glory. There were buttons on this mirror, and reaching out he swapped his hair which was currently worn down into a style that resembled the one on his prototype persona, brushed upwards with a strand that fell across his forehead. 

He did not desire to change anything else with his appearance, so he moved on to the outfits. 

They were sorted by class: Warrior, Mage, Rogue, Hunter, and Priest. Although Mage seemed like it would also be enjoyable, in the end Gilgamesh dressed himself in the standard Warrior outfit. As a warrior, there was no-one more qualified than he.

Giving one last look over in the mirror, he was pleased with the results. His hand reached for the door handle that was off to the side, and was prompted one last time:

“Adventurer, you will start your journey just beyond this door. Please input the name you will be heralded as, when you become a hero of these lands.”

There was no hesitation as he stated proudly, for this was the name of the greatest hero, “Gilgamesh.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


Kirei stood by the fountain. A few steps away, people were constantly appearing out of thin air, all of them wearing the same few outfits and stumbling away to the direction that Kirei could see a yellow arrow pointing towards.

Kirei did not spend much time on his game appearance. In fact, he deemed it bothersome and pressed Randomize. Now he stood as a pretty black-haired boy with long flowing hair and an off-white uniform that was the starter outfit for a male Priest. 

Gilgamesh, on the other hand, was taking a long time. Kirei was due to conduct an early mass the next morning, and he resigned himself to the fact that he would likely not get more than four hours of sleep at this rate.

Finally, Gilgamesh emerged amidst the crowd. He looked the same, as Kirei expected him to, save for a slight change in his hairstyle. It did not take long for Gilgamesh to spot him either, for while Kirei certainly looked different, his name «YorokobeMapo» was a dead giveaway.

Speaking of names—

“Kirei, I can’t believe this!”

Gilgamesh stomped over while looking incredulous, pointing above his head at the name that floated above his head in white text. 

He animatedly recounted his tale to Kirei, which went something like this:

_There was no hesitation as he stated proudly, for this was the name of the greatest hero, “Gilgamesh.”_

_He pushed at the door to find it still stubbornly closed._

_“The chosen name is already taken. Please input another name.”_

_“What? I am Gilgamesh! You will instead erase the faker who dared take my name in jest!”_

_“The chosen name is already taken. Please input another name.”_

_“Did you not hear me? I am Gilgamesh! I am the rules! Now, know your place and open this door—”_

_“Chosen name «theRules» is available. Adventurer theRules, now connecting to Fate/Slay Online.”_

...

Kirei stared at the name above Gilgamesh’s head that moved at his every turn and remained incessantly as «theRules», took another look at the heavily insulted expression on Gilgamesh’s face, and he could not help but laugh wholeheartedly. 

He suddenly did not mind missing out on a few hours of sleep so much anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They entered the game!


	3. Chapter 3

Having played dozens of couch games, Gilgamesh could say that he was quite decent at smashing buttons on his controller. But how proficient was he when it came to virtual reality? Could he respond to the immersion where he was  _ actually _ holding a sword in his hand and using it to stab mongrels into the dirt where they ought to be crawling? Well, for the latter he was certainly the model of brilliance.

And so another such mongrel gave a pained gasp and broke off into sparks before fading.

The party consisting of  «YorokobeMapo»  and  «theRules»  was currently by a river that was a little ways from the starter town aptly named New Town, after Gilgamesh declared there were too many mongrels in the town square and they left through the eastern gate.

F/SO was really popular, though. Of course Gilgamesh wouldn’t even give  it the time of day if it wasn’t, but still! There were just as many players in the fields outside of the town as there were inside, not to mention the little beasts roaming about that would bump into his leg as they moved in random trajectories.

Fortunately, there was a solution to this. Wasn’t this a game where you could freely kill whatever and whomever you wanted without worrying about consequences? Granted, Gilgamesh did that in real life just the same, but Kotomine ended up with a lot of cleanup duty since he was stubborn about keeping the front of a devout clergyman. 

“And of course you are a Priest in the game as well,” Gilgamesh delivered his comment with an unpronounced smile, exasperation and amusement laced in his tone. “Your devotion is certainly commendable.”

“I simply figured one of us should heal, and I doubt you would be inclined to, with all due respect,” Kirei answered immediately.

That joke got a chuckle out of the king who waved a hand and then sighed, “Oh, you’re not about to heal me either, Kotomine. You’d rather watch me suffer, wouldn’t you? Let the poison soak until I’m within an inch of my health?”

Kirei could not pretend there was no traitorous smile forming on his lips.

“Hey, you two!”

Their path was suddenly blocked by a player whose name was in red—they would later learn that it meant the player or mob was at least 10 levels higher. Or maybe they wouldn’t, since it wasn’t like this concept would matter to them in any way. He bore white plated armour and a very thick and heavily ordained sword in the fields to the east of town. He looked to be a philanthropist dropping tips and items to the newbies, but no one cared about what he had to say and left after picking up the free things he dropped. Having run out of people to brag to, he approached the newcomers and made a show of greeting them.

“–You must be new! Don’t worry, the kind and generous Lord Jason doesn’t mind showing you around. Here, the Warrior should take this. It is much superior to the trash you start off with, wouldn’t you say?”

The player boasted this while tossing a sword onto the ground. Functional but plain, it was a far cry from being considered any sort of treasure, even for someone just starting out. 

When he saw that neither of them made the move to pick up the item or even  _ glanced _ at him at all, he further encroached on their space to insist, “You should really take what’s offered to you! Maybe you could even kill one of these other noobs here with it. You look a little stronger than the usual ones, so take my advice in good faith. Outside of town it’s all open world PVP here, and you won’t want to anger better players by accident.”

Slowly, Gilgamesh picked up the fallen weapon. At the start of the exchange there had been a flare of anger at the insolent display, but it faded as fast as it had come. He’d once presided over humanity, so how could he not understand? This era was overrun with humans like these: having forgotten how to discern a king from the masses and lost the self-realization of a prey. Without a healthy fear for those who could be their predators, without a king to lead them, these humans ran themselves into their ruination. These were the humans he would cull with the false Grail. 

But maybe he didn’t have to wait for that Grail to manifest itself. If they’ve forgotten, like this unfortunate dog—

—Well, Gilgamesh would just have to remind them again.

  
  


_ Player  _ _ «theRules» _ _ has slain  _ _ «Lord_Jason». _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i needed antagonists and of course my first thought was [that annoying blond guy](http://typemoon.wikia.com/wiki/Jason). i guess other characters will be making cameos/be relevant eventually but i'll just tag the main ones as they appear.


	4. Chapter 4

Everything in virtual reality was designed to simulate real-world experiences. In forest areas, you could smell the pine in the air and hear the crunch of the leaves and the grass underfoot as if you were traversing through an untouched piece of nature. In the fields just outside of New Town, a player could feel every bitter slice of a sword that struck him faster than his eyes could see. Seven consecutive slices came down in a split second before a sudden warmth soothed the pain briefly; he could not even try to defend himself before there was another onslaught of paralyzing pain, and then the soothing feeling came again. Soon he was sick of it. _Just let me die!!!_ , he tried to scream, and just as this thought came there was a crushing weight in his chest before he blissfully felt nothing again.

He realized, in the last few moments, that there had been two of them. He had focused his attention on the warrior, but—the other one must have been a healer.

When he respawned in New Town, he came to a second, more horrifying realization.

_F*ck! My sword!_

The penalty for dying in PVP was dropping any one item that the player was either carrying in their inventory or had equipped onto themselves, subject to complete RNG. Hence it was common for players to carry around useless things, increasing the chance of a worthless drop in the event that they were killed anywhere outside of town. His particular inventory was filled with chicken feathers that were abundant drops in the area, light enough to not incur much of a weight penalty, so he had not been concerned. Even his armour was replaceable quest gear. Only his sword was of any value, a scrolled greatsword [Adventurer’s Glory] that was best in slot for his level and would have lasted him decently for many levels to come.

Of course, he would have to get it back. The newbie was certainly skilled—in the virtual world, skills in real life could carry over and give players an advantage, but nothing could beat the advantage of pure numbers in the end.

Returning to our protagonists, the one with A rank luck once again bent to pick up a sword that had fallen to the ground. 

The sword was slightly curved with an elaborate guard and hilt that felt solid in his hand. Gilgamesh was rather pleased with his first amassed treasure in the game. It paled in comparison to anything in his real treasury, but he hadn’t built that up in a day. He might even be feeling nostalgic. It could certainly explain why he remained in a good mood despite little mongrel hens pecking at his ankles.

[Debuff: Player Killer (I)  
Effect: All monsters within 15m are aggressive.  
Duration: 03:59:59]

This message appeared with a skull above his head that was visible to other players. Although the initial encounter had lasted not half a minute and had gone unnoticed, the unnatural sight of aggroed farm animals definitely caught the eyes of surrounding players. Any annoyance about their kills running away was squashed when they turned to see how they met their ends.

The player with the shining sword and floating skull that certainly served as a warning, and the other player not two meters away snapping chicken necks with practiced ease; despite being new players themselves, everyone instinctively gave them a wide berth.

_You have gained 11 exp!_  
_You have gained 11 exp!_  
_You have gained 11 exp!_  
_You have gained 11 exp!_

These messages rained down endlessly as the ground became littered with chicken corpses.

Chicken feathers and blocks of chicken meat could be collected and stored in the [Inventory] menu, which consisted of 6x7 = 42 slots holding up to 42 distinct stacks of items. It was a convenient out-of-sight and out-of-mind storage system. 

Since Kirei was hardly a wasteful person, he dutifully picked everything up. After a while, his white priest robes had begun to look like the uniform of a butcher’s shop. That was certainly a level of realism he did not expect a game like this to take. Just as with the player before, who had died so pitifully with pained eyes and blood sealing his lips. . .

Kirei, lost in these heavy thoughts, eventually caught sight of the King of Heroes who was poking at the air.

“Come,” he beckoned when he noticed Kirei’s attention. “There is a lot of clutter. Do you see the same sight? It is displaying my stats here.”

Kirei stared at the space that was being gestured at and recalled, “If you’re referring to the game menus, they are called out at will. [Status].”

A set of keywords were system commands that opened various menus. For instance, [Status] would display the player’s level and various stats that could be increased as the player progressed, and [Inventory] would display the storage system that he had been previously using. It did not have to be said aloud; as long as the player was visualizing the system function he or she wanted to call, it would materialize as an interactive holographic display. 

You see, Kirei had actually read the manuals when he was setting up the game.

Gilgamesh cleared away the multiple screens blocking his view—there was Status, Skills, Inventory, Equipment, Quests, and a Map that displayed only the town they had come from and the land they had traversed through—and shifted the sword in his hand. “It seems this area has been exhausted. Allot your points and we will go east.”

All around, the clearing had truly been cleared of chickens. The crowd of players had thinned out as well. Seeing the lack of prey, many of the other players had gone further down the road leading into the woods where sounds of ongoing battles could be heard.

Kirei returned his focus to the menu that displayed his stats.

* * *

YorokobeMapo   
---  
Class  |  Priest  |  HP  |  100/100   
Level  |  3  |  MP  |  50/50   
Affinity  |  Neutral  |  EXP  |  121/800   
Guild  | None |   |    
  |   |   |    
STR  |  3 (+3)  |  DEX  |  3 (+3)   
CON  |  3 (+3)  |  CHA  |  3 (+3)   
WIS  |  3 (+3)  |   |    
SPI  |  3 (+3)  |  SPD  |  3   
Unused Attribute Points: 4   
   
Status Effects: (hide)  
[Buff: New Player  
Effect: (Welcome to Fate/slay online!) All main stats + 3 for your first day.  
Duration: 23:03:24]   
  
* * *

Considering his own current playstyle, Kirei just quickly tapped the + button next to Strength and followed after Gilgamesh, who was striding off in another direction.

He was not following the main road, but seemed to know where he was going when he brushed aside branches and mowed down bushes in his way. When Kirei checked the [Map], more of the terrain was being drawn in real time in accordance with where they had explored. The rest was a blank slate to encourage exploration and the sense of adventure, although completing it would mean personally combing through the entire continent. How troublesome.

The edges of a lake was being unveiled in the radius around the dots that marked their location, and Kirei looked ahead to see the telltale shimmer under the moonlight.

A cabin stood by the lake. At the lakebed was an old man fishing with a spear. 

After all, his name was visible as «NPC Hektor», so he was definitely an old man.

He had noticed the approaching players, but only when they were sufficiently close did he speak. “Adventurers, huh? No one comes ‘round here anymore. Welcome to my humble abode.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long overdue, part 1/2 of their little detour! Finally more game mechanics, which I will try not to retcon in the future (perils of not doing much planning).


	5. Chapter 5

The modest cabin and the campfire that roasted fish on a spit; those were the only things of note in the man-made site that was in the middle of the woods. It had been the waft from this cooking fire that pulled Gilgamesh in this direction, for as faint as it had been, his sense of smell was honed from nature. He came to a stop before the man who appeared very relaxed with the arrival of two strangers.

“What do you do here, mongrel?”

Hektor did not seem put off by the rude tone. He laid aside his spear and was casually skinning his catches with a small knife while answering, “Hm, as you can see, mostly fishing. I used to be a newbie guide for the cooking and fishing skills. Actually, this area used to be connected to the main road out of town, but they added new content elsewhere and are planning to retire old me. They took away the quest I gave for accessing the dungeon, too. Sorry, I don’t have much to see here, but feel free to take some fish with ya on your way back.”

“There is a dungeon here?” That caught Kirei’s attention. The old man did not seem the type to keep a dungeon under his cabin. Then again, Kirei was the same.

“Yeah, a mini dungeon that’ll be wiped soon. Wouldn’t recommend the two of you to go in yet, though. Plenty of nasty snakes.”

If there was something Kirei took away from the months of living together with the King of Heroes, it was that he held disdain for a certain species stronger than his dislike of all other species combined. One only had to take him shopping:

_“No, Gilgamesh. May I humbly suggest that you already have this exact snakeskin print vest.”_

_“Of course I don’t, silly priest. This one has the markings of a butter ball python, which is an entirely different subspecies.”_

Evidently Gilgamesh was making sure no type of snake would escape his wrath, and had become a walking snake encyclopedia along the way. Going on like this, he could even be mistaken to be a huge fan of them. Wouldn't that be a sight.

Anyhow, he began to walk towards the log cabin.

“To the dungeon!” Gilgamesh skipped after him. “Aren’t you getting excited now, Kotomine?”

“Hey, where are you going?” Hektor finally showed some urgency, dropping the items in his hands and chasing after them. “What are you—watch it, that’s my door!” 

He could only watch helplessly as they kicked it open.

It wasn’t like they were the first adventurers to barge into his home without permission or destroy his property. Most of them tended to do that, actually; adventurers were a helpful bunch when you had a task to complete but also known to view all property in the world as their own. 

Hektor entered his home morosely. His nice barrels of wine were going to be gone, his antique rug missing, his tapestry torn apart for the fabric materials, and his fridge empty. Then his bed would be slept in, his dresser doors pulled apart, his armour pilfered, and his horse’s ashes spilled on the ground.

Though he had prepared himself for such a sight, everything was actually still untouched. The adventurers were nowhere to be seen, and the trapdoor beneath his rug was ajar. 

Hektor hurriedly peeked in the hole that opened to stone steps. He could only see the back of one of the adventurers, already disappearing around the bend. “Wait!” He called out, jumping in after them. “How did you find the hidden dungeon? You can’t see the door unless you have 20 Wisdom, and you can’t open it without 40 Strength. The two of you already are this strong..?”

They passed through a narrow tunnel that opened up into multiple rooms. Though damp and stale-smelling, Kirei did not hear the muffled cries of frightened children nor sense any mass of horrible grudges festering within the walls. They hadn’t even come across an enemy monster, yet. 

Cheh. What a boring development.

And yet, when he glanced towards the King of Heroes who almost certainly would have reached the limit to his patience, he found the profile of his face curved into a vicious grin.

Kirei felt it then. The tingling sensation began at his back and flared up into all-consuming bloodthirstiness.

"Kotomine, it's here."

It was at this moment that Hektor caught up to them. The underground caverns did not have a source of light. Hektor was familiar enough with it to navigate it blindfolded, but there was no way the adventurers could keep up the pace. Yet even when it should have become pitch black, there was still the faint glow from the warrior’s sword to illuminate the stone tiles. To think the adventurers that were dressed in beginners’ garb were actually in possession of an extraordinary grade weapon...

“That sword…” The glow reflected in Hektor’s eyes as recognition. “I get it now. Well, you won’t find anything as fancy here, but this dungeon has its fair treasures. They’re not easy to find, but with me as a guide—”

Without warning, four thunderous cuts of the broadsword collapsed the wall on their left, revealing a secret chamber on the other side.

Guarding a treasure chest in the middle of the chamber was a coiled snake that rose to be as tall as any of them.

“Ḧ̷̼́U̵̔Ṁ̵̢͓̍A̷͉͌N̴̦̉͝S̴͖̾S̵̹͈͑S̶̨̑̈S̸͊̎ͅS̸͔͗Ș̸̂̔͜.” Gold eyes swiveled in their direction. “I ͢͝ss͝͞ss͞e͝e̡ y̸o̢ų͡҉ ̧hav̛͝e ̨c̶om̴e̶͘ ͝͝fǫ͢r͏ ̕m̨͝y̡ ͡͠tr͝҉e͘͞a͘s͝s͏͝s̢u̶̢r͠ę̶.”

Now fully immersed into the role of a brave adventurer ridding the land of demon snakes, Gilgamesh declared, “Hmph! I have come to slay your head. Begone, _Eastern diamondback rattlesnake!_ ” 

The «Great Rattler» hissed, angry and low, and sprung towards the entrance, its mouth opened as if to swallow all of them whole.

 _Ah, this didn’t look good._ Hektor scrambled to position himself to deflect the attack. At this distance, it would be hard to get a good shot, but he could at least buy time for them to get away. 

He lifted his Durindana just as a blur of gold moved past him. The sword plunged into the opened mouth and sent the snake careening back a few paces. This only served to make the snake angrier as it spat the sword back out and flicked it away with its tail.

Or at least it tried to. Where… where was its tail? Only after it had been disconnected from its main body did it notice the presence from behind. With another slice, its head flew and eventually rolled to a stop beside the treasure chest.

The puny adventurer certainly was stronger than he looked. The sword he wielded wasn’t normal either. Coming this far, even the hidden boss of the dungeon had to acknowledge his skill. But jokes on him! Rattlesnakes can still move and bite people after being decapitated! It just had to bide its time, wait for the hero to come closer to its waiting jaw--

With a final crushing blow to its head, the serpent succumbed.

_You have gained 1375 exp!_

Gilgamesh had knocked it out with the hilt of his sword. Rather than out of any mercy, it was easier to skin if it was lying docile and with fewer holes. Then there were the gleaming eyes to pry out, all to be stored in Kirei’s inventory.

While the mess was being cleaned up, Gilgamesh looted the chest.

[Skillbook: Curse of the Ancient Snake  
Apply Poison (deal damage equal to 10% of your HP every 10 seconds) and one other random debuff to an enemy.  
Cost: 36 MP  
Book will be consumed to learn the skill.]

[Enforced Spiked Gauntlet  
Type: Unarmed  
+9 STR  
+15 CON  
+5% chance to deal critical damage]

[Snake Antivenom (5)  
Removes poison debuffs. Consumable.]

There were also 300 gold coins among the spoils.

The gauntlet and the skillbook went to Kirei, because as the leader of a party Gilgamesh knew how to divide up the loot evenly: everything he immediately wants is his, and anything else goes to Kirei’s inventory which is still his.

There was nothing else of value in the dungeon according to Gilgamesh's Collector EX Intuition, so they left by the way the came, back up the steps and through the trapdoor into the bright space of the cabin.

“Hold on a minute!” 

NPC Hektor called out, from several paces behind. Although the tone was rather sharp, it seemed as though Gilgamesh would allow it depending on what came next.

Coming up to them with serious-set eyes, Hektor spoke: “This… I’ve never believed in the prophecies. A blackened god will terrorize the world, and a hero with a sword of gold will come to save it? How unoriginal. But from what I saw today, I’m sure of it now. You are that hero.”

“And so, will you listen to my request? I’m just a useless old man who won’t be around anymore when the next patch arrives. My spear… the Durindana, although it’s nothing special, it’d be a waste if it just disappeared with me. I hope you will take it with you, so it can be a little part of someone’s story. That’s selfish of me, isn’t it? You can pawn it off and use the money to buy whatever else, too. At least for that, it would have been useful.”

A bark of laughter broke the silence that followed.

Uncrossing his arms, Gilgamesh opened his inventory menu while declaring:

“Very well! You misplace your hopes for the world, but you have amused me enough. For that, I will grant your request.”

[!!]

Touched exclamation marks appeared above Hektor’s head. He presented his greatest spear with a low bow, and remained prostrated as the adventurers left his sight.

They would head towards the town from whence they had come, and begin their journey anew. There was a whole world waiting for them to explore.  
Behind them, a forgotten hollow lay which no one ever found again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC...


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Halloween special

They returned to New Town with their new riches and found the gates strung with orange and black decorations.

As Kirei neared, he could read what was written on the overhanging banner: NEW TOWN’S 1ST ANNUAL PUMPKIN CARVING CONTEST. Yellow arrows pointed to the direction of what looked like the town square with a crowd of people and chaos already there.

He was going to comment about the pointlessness of such festivities to Gilgamesh, but the Servant had somehow disappeared from where he had been seen last examining the standing sign. A Very Bad Feeling lodged itself in the pit of his stomach as he followed the arrows to the event.

He peered through the crowd to see rows of tables set up, with a multitude of pumpkins placed on them. Sure enough, the King of Heroes was at the end of one such table, sinking a knife across the top of a pumpkin. He didn’t look up when Kirei reached him, in the middle of pulling the seeds and pumpkin innards out. 

Kirei watched as he etched a drawing onto the outer shell.

“You could try to give some warning before you run off,” he told the other, not crossly, but certainly unamused. “If I cannot find you, I will log out. Hm. That is a good idea.”

Gilgamesh only smiled gleefully at him. “You do not do so, because you already know I will drag you back! But never mind that now, this competition belongs to me.”

He began to cut out the shapes with fervour. Pieces of the flesh and peel gave way to a plated dress, a braided hair bun, a Sword of Promised Victory. 

As Gilgamesh placed a lit candle inside, the carving came to life, flickering light gathered around the sword where it shone brave and bright. The grinning face above it, admiring his own handiwork, reflected candlelight. The pronounced and moving shadows harboured ghosts of another time. 

The truth of the matter was that Gilgamesh was a ghost from some millennia ago. He had been summoned by a grail to fight other ghosts like himself, and was now carving a virtual pumpkin with Kirei.

A year ago if you’d told him that this was what he’d be doing in the near future, Kirei would have turned away in disbelief. It was out of the realm of his imagination, surely. If he had remained unaware of the Grail Wars, he would have spent this year like the last twenty-eight years. Still questioning his existence, still coming up empty, and having never encountered the likes of Tohsaka Tokiomi, nor Emiya Kiritsugu, nor Gilgamesh.

“When you’re done, place your carved pumpkins here! The judging will begin at 11:30pm, half an hour’s time! Don't miss out~!”

Kirei looked away to the far table where the host in a witch’s costume stood on a platform next to the pumpkins that were arranged there. It was late at night even in game, which ran in Japan Standard Time, and yet there were still a lot of people gathered here with huge smiles on their faces.

“Don't look so put out, Kotomine. Rejoice, this king will carve a Kotomine Pumpkin next.”

When Gilgamesh decided on something, it was not like Kirei could dissuade him. He was much faster in cutting out Kirei’s face, consisting of bold shapes and a detestable expression. Kirei was surprised that Gilgamesh could carve a pumpkin at all, even if the grail imparted the knowledge to him. 

“I didn't think you would partake in such trivial Halloween festivities,” Kirei said, resignedly taking a seat on the wooden bench and resting his chin on his hands.

“This holiday is for the dead, right? The lanterns carved and lit to ward off ghosts. Although it has become centered around children, it is one of the least nonsensical of your traditions. Look, that’s your disgusting mapo tofu you’re holding,” Gilgamesh told him. Apparently the holes he stabbed at the bottom of the pumpkin were to be construed as such. 

He carved a few more, full of stars and lions and simple shapes, and grew bored of it. They brought the pumpkins over to the judging area where they were registered under their names. It was not necessary to stay for the judging, since results would come in a server-wide announcement. 

They passed some time in the weapons shop, where the swords were of much lower quality than the one they already had, and tried to pawn off their newly acquired spear only to be told it was worth 0 gold. They then went to the food stands and bought a few snacks. The dango was supposed to heal 100HP, and the taiyaki would refill 120HP. Gilgamesh consumed them both at full health, but apparently they tasted “very much better than the ones they sell at the station down the street.”

He didn’t win the contest, by the way; the first place had gone to a «Protagonist» with the pumpkin named ‘A Hero of Justice’. Second place was player «NefertariLove»’s ‘My Lovely Wife’. ‘Saber’ had taken third. 

Third place was apparently worth 500 gold pieces. They went into the armour shop and spent all of it on more comfortable shoes. After all, they would be walking around a lot, and the game was realistic on this front too where Shabby Starter Shoes wouldn't cut it. Gilgamesh opted for something lighter while Kirei tried on a pair of fantasy armour boots that was more flexible than it looked.

[Light Leather Sandals  
Type: Shoes  
+3 SPD]

[Light Bronze Warboots  
Type: Shoes  
+5 DEF]

The night passed like this, shopping for virtual goods in a small fantasy town. When Gilgamesh finally decided that it was time to return to the real world, Kirei found that the whole experience hadn’t been terribly bad. He might even grow to like it, if he didn’t have to play this every single day from now on.

Communicating his desire to the system triggered a prompt and would log the player out of the game. The player «theRules» vanished from the spot where he had stood, and half a beat later «YorokobeMapo» also became offline.

 

* * *

 

Kirei logged off and found his motor senses returning to the real world. He removed his helmet and rolled his neck to soothe the crinks. 

“Kotomine, I want to eat chicken now.” 

He blinked, momentarily disoriented at the voice that had been filtering through his headpiece sounding so much closer, more vibrant and full with all of its capricious and whiny notes. 

Well, it was about time to start on breakfast.

There was no rest for the wicked, indeed.


End file.
